


Missing You Still

by Fairy_Blank



Category: Lego Ninjago, Ninjago - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, Other, References to Depression, after season 3, before Season 4, hints of PTSD, really angsty, slight hints of romantic feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 18:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14243133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairy_Blank/pseuds/Fairy_Blank
Summary: It's been a year after the Ice Ninja's death and the team has already been split. Yet, the Black Ninja seems to still be unable to shake off the feelings of regret and pain.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I passed English and sorry if you expected more :'))
> 
> also it's not full-blown gay shit,, I don't think it'll ever be  
> just hints oof

The remains of the Nindroid were only half of its flesh. It must have fallen off during what happened. Hard to believe that it just happened a few feet away. And took him along with the light too.  

It was hard to accept that Zane just disappeared with the Overlord. 

To hold part of his face, what were you supposed to do? Cry? Scream? Break?

A brother had just fallen.

Clueless, one can only sob. Cole could only weep and wish.  Wish for his return. 

The man who stayed by his side for half of his life was gone. The part where he was the happiest he could have ever dreamed. It was even better with him around. Whenever he was beside him,  he couldn't help but feel content with his life. 

When Cole finally faced his father, he never felt intimidated unlike when he was still a child with Zane around. But what was he to do now?

He was the only person, or sentient-being,  to bring him joy in life. The kind he never thought he'd ever feel. How was he to return to his prior life? Especially when the man who kept him together was gone?

He couldn't move his hands, arms, legs or his body. It was too hard to do anything. The numbness was familiar. However, he had to be there for his team.  What else could he have done?

The present felt bland. The future looked bleak. And the past seemed like a beautiful dream. If only he never had to wake up. 

Tossing and turning, the former black ninja replayed the events of that day over and over. 

He did nothing.

And in turn, killed his partner. 

The torturous sequence played over and over, all night long. His face covered in sweat. Gasping for air as he suffocates. By the time he woke up, his entire body bathed in guilt. He jerked up, inhaling and exhaling exceedingly.  Immediately forgetting what he saw while dreaming. He couldn't remember the screams, the sorrow he felt, nor the pain of his loss. But those feelings still lingered on.

 

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP!

The thought of slamming a fist to shut the alarm was tiring. Thus, Cole didn't budge. His body was still exhausted from the day before. To start another day of work where he had to torture his body for a full day.  How could anyone not feel sore? 

BUZZ! 

Cole groaned, must be someone from work, he thought. 

BUZZ!

He should be getting up soon. BEEP! There goes the alarm again. Persistent. BUZZ! He'd have to skip a full breakfast if he wanted to get to work on time. BUZZ! BEEP! One of his clerics was waiting for him at his usual spot too. BUZZ! He sighed. Cole forcefully opened half his eye, getting a glimpse of the burning sunlight. Forgot to shut the curtains again. "Crap..." He hissed under his breath, pushing himself off his bed. He dragged his feet to his drawer. Pulling off his sleeping attire, usually what he wore the day before, and unwillingly changing into a fresh set of clothes. Grabbing a few essentials with him as well, phone, wallet, a disk he needed to return. Only then did he reluctantly leave his apartment. His previously worn clothes left on the ground, adding onto the stanch. 

"Took you long enough, where's my cd?" Logan, a 'friend' from work, grunted upon seeing Cole as he pants heavily. "Your disk didn't work." He retorted, to think his friend died for a city full of these low lives. "Does seem like it did, you're later than usual, five seconds in fact. Now, that's a new high-score." He mocked, attempting to guilt trip the ex-leader of the ninjas, all for wasting his time. "Whatever, I'm going for a to-go before work," Cole replied in a harsh tone before he began walking towards his usual breakfast spot. Praying for the man would leave him alone to mope. "Well, I don't want to wait around any longer," Logan asserted, and keeping true to his word, he left. 

Alone, Cole entered the cafe, the sweet scent coming from the many baked goods, they played an old jiggle from way back in the olden days. A favourite of his late mother, he couldn't help but hum along as he waited in line. The slow rhythm combined with the singer's silky voice. It could warm the coldest of hearts, or sooth even the hollowest man alive. Cole felt a soft grin formed on his face. He tapped his foot, nodding to the beat, letting his problems fade from his mind. As it was his turn, he placed his order, a simple doughnut, and the usual tea. Growing up with Wu certainly made him appreciate the old man's favourite drink.

He tapped on the countertop, scanning the room as he waited for his order. The place doesn't take to serve their customers, so he was able to reassure himself he won't be too late for work. 

While looking around, he spotted something of interest. Or someone.

The hair, the colour, and style. It couldn't be, could it? 

Cole wanted to believe it. His friend coming back to life, who wouldn't dream of it becoming a reality? A friend he could always talk to and find comfort in their arms. 

He wanted it back so much. 

His old life, he missed it. It would never be the same to be with the other ninjas if he didn't have Zane.

How he longed to see him again.

But he knew he would only be kidding himself.

And with a blink of an eye, the reminiscent hairstyle morphed to a much messier version. 

Zane wasn't there in the shop. The small smile, the small glimmer of hope Cole had, faded as the man left the store. 

There Cole stood, lonely, grieving. A year had already passed, but he could still not move on. 

Zane was never here. It was just wishful thinking. 

"Number 27?"

"That's me."


	2. Chapter 2

The former black ninja snapped out of his delusions of his teammate and back into reality, grabbing his drink before making off to the bus station.

And just his luck, the bus had just arrived when he was crossing the street. Quickly stuffing the doughnut in his mouth and sprinting towards the bus door. Being a former ninja was certainly an advantage to the situation as he managed to reach the door just in time.

Still, the possibility lingered in Cole’s mind. 

What if that was him? 

What if he made it out?

“That’s impossible.” He mumbled to himself as he swallowed down the doughnut, rubbing the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ease whatever headache that had slapped the boy in the face. Yet he still thought about it. What if? What if something of him survived? What if he could still be saved? Making up unrealistic scenarios in his head. 

He was alone. 

No one to speak to him. 

There may be people around him, but he was still lonely. All by himself.

And all those thoughts.

A routine he would never end. Never ever, there was nothing to break it. 

Some days he would remember the feelings of loss. Some days he would pray for the ice ninja to be somewhere out there. It drove him mad. He could only dream. 

Oh what he would do to get Zane back.

All he wanted to do was to hold him in his arms and never let go. Not again. He can’t let go of him. He would be killed again if he let go.

His wouldn’t mind giving up his powers just to bring the Nindroid back. He wouldn’t mind giving up his limb, any limb. He wouldn’t mind giving up his life. 

All to lift up all this guilt.

The guilt of leaving his Brother to die. 

He had failed him as a Brother, a Friend and a leader.

He caused his brother’s demise. It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

He felt a jolt as the bus stopped. He fumbled his way out of the pack of sardines. How did he manage to breathe in there? Whatever, he was at work now. Cole stepped off the bus, finishing his, now cold, tea. Entering the site as he crushed the styrofoam cup, tossing it into a nearby bin.

He could hear murmurs from his fellow co-workers, variations of ‘you’re late’ followed Cole as he made his way to a small hut for employees. He could hear his favourite bastard of the site teasing him. His mocking tone and voice were distinctive features of him. He sounded like he could have previously been a criminal. He was the only that talked to the former ninja. It was a strange relationship. Instead of jokes, there were only snide remarks between the two. No games, just constant back and forth, especially by Logan when he rubs anything in the former black ninja’s face. But Cole always made sure that he would eat sticks afterwards. 

Switching out of his normal apparel with a more appropriate attire. He grabbed an axe off the wall before he exited the cramped room. Making his way to an unoccupied tree, the repetitive noise of chopping the trees, it could drive any poor man to madness. And on the count of three, he swung his axe straight into the bark of the tree.

A couple of birds flew off, fleeing away as their home was being threatened. A common sight in the woodcutting industry. Reminiscence of Zane’s flying friend, the falcon. 

It’s funny how a year earlier, he would joke about how angry they were at the ice ninja for following the falcon, which cost them their home. Yet now, it seemed like a distant memory, a time he wanted to go back to. Maybe instead of yelling, he could have reassured his friends. But as his master said, change time, change everything, however, maybe that would have been better than having let his brother die.

And it’d be amazing to the ice ninja again.

The former black ninja couldn’t help letting out a sigh in regret. At the time, they were still young. Though that did not excuse his previous actions towards his deceased friend, it was unacceptable. If he could, he would go back and slap his younger-self straight.

Coming back to reality from his thought, Cole swang his axe again. Twigs and leaves started falling off from the tree, taking cover under his arm, protecting himself from the descending items. After the raining twigs and leaves stopped, Cole started to swing at the tree again. 

“Timber!”

The tree landed on the ground before he strolled towards the side of the trunk. Lifting the axe above his head, preparing to divide the bark into smaller portions.

After a few swings in, he could have sworn he heard something - or someone - moving. It was dressed in green, slowly approaching him. Even so, he shook it off, he couldn’t let himself to any more distractions, especially when his thoughts were everywhere today. Though late or not, he would still ignore the figure, it didn’t bother him much. And then did the figure spoke, a prepubescent male cleared his throat. He’s here again. For a ninja, the legendary green ninja was not much of a sneaky kid, or at least he was letting his guard down. The kid must have snuck in. What has he to say today? 

“Uh… Cole!” The child spoke weakly, he’s nervous, the retired leader thought. “I was hoping that maybe you’d wa- could. Uh, drop by the dojo.” He was stumbling on his words, obviously unsure of what to say. 

The former black ninja sighed, firmly craving his axe into the tree bark before he turned to Lloyd. He leaned on the bark, folding his arms before he responded, “You know I’m not returning, right Lloyd?” A harsh expression on his face, but the younger boy’s scared look had softened his own. “I’m no longer apart of the team.” He followed up before continuing back to work and chopping wood. Unsatisfied with his brother’s reply, he pressed forward with a sudden rush of confidence. “It’s just to talk,”

“I don’t want to talk.”

As the words spill out of his mouth, Lloyd paused. The venom in the black-haired man’s voice, it was loud and cold as ice, causing him to freeze. His face weakened, stepping back, taking a moment before he made another attempt to converse. 

“Why? What’s stopping you?” The naive child questioned, and no response from the man. “It doesn’t have to be about the team, Master Wu’s concern about you, you know?” Still, no reply, though the thought did not leave Cole unhurt. His mentor was worried, about him? He did not understand why, but he knew he should not entertain the thought, at least not now. “At least come by to say ‘hi’, it would put a smile of Master Wu’s face.” 

Something about that line put a dagger through Cole’s heart. Wu had treated him and the other ninjas like his own children. The others may not think of Wu as their own father, but he did. Wu was there to comfort him when he found him. To console him when his own father would not.

He forced a replied out of his shock-still body, “I’ll… try…” 

Happy with his results, a big smile made its way to Lloyd’s face, “Alright, I’ll tell Master Wu the good news! See you tonight!” With that, the boy left the area with a hop in his step, yet making sure to be kept hidden while still in the compounds.

Cole signed, to know he had hurt his Master like that. Guilt crawling up his skin. As if he had needed more, he knew the green ninja did not try to use manipulative tactics, but he could not be sure for himself. Though it would be nice to see a familiar face. And at least he would not skip dinner again. At least not for tonight.


End file.
